Painting From Life vs. From Photos
Jennifer Hoes at her self-wedding in Haarlem, The Netherlands, 2003.
KARL ZIPSER: Jennifer, why did you marry yourself?
JENNIFER HOES: I married myself at the moment I was prepared to embrace my own life and agree on the responsibilities that come with that. I married myself at the age my father died, I decided not to stay in the shade of his death at thirty.
Jennifer Hoes in her studio in Haarlem speaking, about porcelain objects cast from her body, with her mother.
KARL ZIPSER: Is it not a bit self-centered to marry yourself?
JENNIFER HOES: I believe if a person is loyal to him- or herself, he or she he has more to offer to others — to be active, straight and involved in relationships. Therefor, by no means, is marrying yourself a self-centered act. In my wedding I needed my family and friends there as my witnesses and it was also a celebration of my relationships and intentions with them.
Installation at a big plant and flower fair in Holland: Jennifer Hoes is “Eva” in a back-projected movie within the installation; her porcelain objects represent the animals in paradise.
KARL ZIPSER: Marriage is of course more than a ceremony. There is also a wedding night . . .
JENNIFER HOES: The wedding night I spent alone and slept like a baby! I feel my wedding-night was the most logical one after a hectic day!
KARL ZIPSER: There is also a honey moon . . .
JENNIFER HOES: Unfortunately I had no money for a honeymoon, that would have been nice and welcome after the hard work.
Jennifer Hoes’ porcelain vases based on cast of her thighs [photograph: Eric van Straaten]
KARL ZIPSER: Also there is the rest of your life “together.” How does self-marriage affect your life on a day to day basis? Do you find yourself a good life-partner so far?
JENNIFER HOES: My wedding ring says “I will return to my heart every time.” I read this every day. I think the values to an individual life are pretty much the same as in a marriage, it is about how you’ll behave, about taking responsibility, about being a loving person. The promises you make in the ceremony concern good intentions. The intention to do your best, be involved, be sincere, etc. and the ceremony is something you do for the moment later when you’re making a mistake in the relationship, to remind you of your promises and to make up for your mistake. To always try your best. Of course, I’m not always happy with myself and the things I do.
KARL ZIPSER: Does your self-marriage preclude you from a traditional marriage with another man or woman?
JENNIFER HOES: I can still marry a partner. But I do feel I had my moment in white, so I’m not eager to take the trip to the city-hall again.
A nipple montage by Jennifer Hoes
KARL ZIPSER: Would it be fair to say that your wedding was an “art event”?
JENNIFER HOES: I don’t claim my work (or wedding) is art. I do, and make, what I feel I have to do or to make. The “art” label is given by others. The media, because of the wedding, tried to own me, make me say or do things. I had to verbally fight with reporters and kept most of them out of my wedding ceremony. I did not invite them. The truth is I did not reject them altogether when they did come. I enjoyed the attention, but to an extent.
Jennifer Hoes beside a nipple montage
KARL ZIPSER: Jennifer, you indeed got a lot of media attention because of your self-marriage. You present your “wedding” as an important personal experience. Wasn’t it just a publicity stunt to promote your art?
JENNIFER HOES: Today people still ask me when the next big “stunt” will be. I am hurt when people degrade my very being to a stunt. The wedding cost me a lot of time, effort and money. Also, very important, I did not make any money out of it, would also not justify it being a stunt for the sole purpose of entertaining others.
Karl, I don’t make a distinction between my life and work. Therefore my wedding can be considered “work.” It also explains why I can so easily use my own body as a tool. I believe life is a matter of design — for the biggest part we are the designers of our own lives. I believe we have more influence on our own lives then we sometimes realize. It is about taking responsibility and accountability. I use this concept in my work. At the physical level the work is based, sometimes literally, on the from of my own body. But the work is also is a projection of my heart and mind. The wedding, as something of heart and mind, is just as relevant to my work as a cast of my nipples.
Jennifer Hoes in her “Summer dress made of silk and silver.”
KARL ZIPSER: Will you take questions from readers here on Art & Perception?
JENNIFER HOES: Yes.
Hallo Jennifer
Wat is de diepere betekenis van de tepelmontage vergeleken bij de betekenis van het huwelijk?
Mmmhhh I am a bit confused, but ok I am open minded about it.
I believe there are two types of people, ones who are born to be individuals and twos who are born to be couples… and think I fit in the second category.
I am a couple type person… I need my big hairy man next to me in bed, warming up my feet, making me breakfast in the morning… and I have the need to provide, cook and care for him too, its my nature.
I know people like Jennifer who would marry themselves too if they could. My best friend for example she is like that and I kind of admire her in a way to be so independent!
I believe in the romantic idea as the world being made by different opposite parts, the Yin and Yang, the night and day, the man and the woman…
http://angela.coolfly.co.uk/fullsize_oil/the_avatar.jpg
So if I made what I believe is right for me, I respect Jennifer decision if she feels she has done the right thing for herself…
Jennifer, did you meet yourself online, or were you introduced by friends? How do you resolve disputes when you disagree? Do you ever get jealous?
Hey David,
I think you’re not taking this seriously. But in fact, “did you meet yourself online?” is a good question for anyone who does blogging. If there were not an element of self-discovery, I doubt people would spend time with it.
I think you’re not taking this seriously.
Karl, even though my questions are somewhat tongue-in-cheek, I also mean them seriously. These are just a few of the questions one might naturally ask about any relationship.
Also, I’d gotten the impression from your earlier posts that the contemporary art scene in Haarlem was pretty boring. You’ve been holding out on us :)
Angela,
You wrote “I need my big hairy man next to me in bed, warming up my feet, making me breakfast in the morning… and I have the need to provide, cook and care for him too, its my nature.”
It is not clear from the interview if Jennifer is a “loner” or if she has a partner, male or female. She indicates that her self-marriage enables her to have a more fulfilling relationship with others. There may be a big hairy man in Jennifer’s life after all.
David,
I’ll try to take your questions seriously then. The “did you meet yourself online?” question was interesting as I already said.
“How do you resolve disputes when you disagree?” I suppose that is an excellent question also. I can’t answer for Jennifer, of course, but I’d like to think about if this is relevant for me, and if so, what the answer is. Can a person have a self-dispute?
“Do you ever get jealous?” David, this question I can’t do anything with. Jealous of one’s self?
Jennifer, have you heard the song I Married Myself by the group Sparks? It’s on their wonderful album Lil Beethoven, which came out in 2002. Here’s an excerpt from the lyrics:
I married myself
I’m very happy together
Long, long walks on the beach, lovely times
I married myself, I’m very happy together
Candlelight dinners home, lovely times
This time it’s gonna last, this time it’s gonna last
Forever, forever, forever
What a great idea. Congratulations. I am just curious about why you would make a committment to yourself in such a traditional format, with the dress and all the expense involved, etc? Why not something alternative, as it was obviously not a “traditional” wedding?
I also love your vases!
Leslie,
I’ve been wondering the same thing. Why the traditional wedding style, when the wedding is so inherently non-traditional?
Why the traditional wedding style, when the wedding is so inherently non-traditional?
Seems to me that’s the whole point. The contrast between the traditional wedding style and the non-traditional partnership.
Hey Karl isn’t marriage a vote of commitment and partnership?
Shouldn’t Jennifer be devoted to herself as having additional partners would be an unfaithful act?
Angela, I don’t know where Jennifer is originally from, but maybe she had to marry herself for immigration reasons.
David, David David.
Okay, you are right, the formality of the wedding is the whole point. Contrast. Life as art. I should read the interview, not just look at the pictures.
Angela,
The Dutch are pretty broad-minded as far as the concept of “open relationships” go (not that I have benefited, mind you). Maybe Jennifer has an open relationship involving a big hair man.
Jennifer,
Where are you anyway? You are getting some great questions here. Join the fun.
David,
Good thinking about the immigration issue. You should go into investigative journalism. I’m obviously missing the real news here.
Karl, did you get a lot of free drinks on the plane?
:)
Does it still show?
Just a wild guess :)
Jennifer,
The ‘Summer dress made of silk and silver’ is beautiful. It makes a lot of sense to me that you married yourself considering that you are using your own body as model. Your self-marriage is a good way of insulating or isolating yourself from the public.
Hallo Hanneke,
Ik ben begonnen met het maken van afgietsel van mijn eigen tepels in natuurlatex vanwege de eigenschappen van latex. Het verkleurd, wordt poreus, is vergankelijk, net als het menselijk lichaam. Ik heb van de tepels verschillende werken gemaakt, broches, een slip en de “zelfportretten”. Dit werk is minder gelaagd dan mijn huwelijk, maar wel een onderzoek naar de betekenis van het fysieke leven.
I have to say, i’m not a jealous person, never was. But i’m very familiar with “loosing myself in turbulence of society”. Therefor it’s a good thing to sometimes take time to evaluate yourself, not just the output but especially emotionaly. Everybody should be their own best friend and most reliable partner. Everybody is allowed to think outside the box of “tradition”. Why can’t I set a new tradition? (that’s not what i’m looking for, it’s just a thought). A tradition can evolve in something new, and perhaps better suited to timeframe. I do have a partner, not so big and slightly hairy. partnership is not 50%+50% it takes 100%+100% therefor it is good to be married to yourself first and it might be more like renewing vowls, I was stuck with me the day I was born, I just never chose to be untill I married myself.
Jennifer, I’m glad Karl introduced us to your work. It makes me laugh and think. And the objects you create are very beautiful. Thanks for sharing your images and thoughts with us.
David, you’re welcome.
Hi Jennifer I am soon to be 40 and had just started talking about having a ceremony for myself at my party in March and then caught your show on Rachel Ray. And I got emotional because you were doing and expressing exactly my wishes and plans for my 40th party. Missed the actual episode where you had the ceremony and sitting here now on Xmas eve waiting forever for it to download. Congratualtions to you! I am honestly happy for you. My ring will have engraved – you are born from the love of thousands. my daily mantra.
All the best to you in all of your life endeavors.
Yvette
Sorry – I made a mistake and mixed you up with the american woman. Nonetheless. I still support you and Gayle and am joining the Commited to Myself club.
I feel the marriage ceremony is fantastic. We are all partner people..w/o each other how can we make it all come together. Yet without ourselves, we are nothing. Loving oneself is the single most important thing one must do. When loving oneself, that is how you can come to love and have compassion and understanding for others. (Love ones neighbor as thyself). How can you love others if you hate yourself? Many are just mirrors of your own self-portrait..so if you think others are stupid and you hate them, how do you really feel about yourself?
Kudos to Jennifer, although there are many women who have taken this first step to a fulfilling life, as well as quite a few men. Its nice to see it happen more often and everyones way is unique.
Narcissism. Look it up.
You people are ridiculous!!!!!!! marrying yourself?! I can’t believe what this world is coming to! I also can’t believe how many people agree with her!I think you are a very sad person, Jennifer Hoes, and lonely. wow, that must have been a fun wedding night
You know this I believe is a different case but I remember a few years I heard of a case where a woman from the Pacific Nortwest in the United States married herself and had a traditional wedding. And when asked about it she said she had always wanted a traditional married and she never been able to find anyone she wanted to marry so she decided. So she decided to formalize her commitment to herself in the format of a traditional wedding; so she could have the wedding always wanted.
Whether I agree with the whole concept of marrying yourself to be not important but think of it you give yourself your dream. Some people are strong introverts and they don’t want to marry they like being alone. And you think about there is something very appealing about a traditional wedding. The flowers and the gown and being surrounded by family and friends.
I think I just wondered at the time what would happen if she for some odd reason feel head over heals in love with someone else so now is it polygamy or adultery. I just don’t understand the ends and outs of it all.
You know you all escape someone else you can not escape yourself. As the saying goes: to your ownself be true. Making a commitment to yourself and self vows is not all that uncommon; just the idea of the wedding format.
Ideally we should all be committed to ourselves. If you can’t live with yourself you can’t live with others.
So many lost dreams people have; you ever thought of all things you wanted as child. The hugeness of the dreams some of them and few ever seem to come true. The things a child will dream of are sometimes unrealistic because their ability to acheive those dreams may not be in sink. She granted herself her dream although it was in untraditional way.
Like I said I don’t understand it all; but I can’t say that I have a problem with it either it actually kind of seems to be a rather attractive and revolutionary idea; just a bit expensive.
Look if we are going to allow the idea of gay marriage which is also untraditional why not allow self-marriage?
Hi,
I am on a similar journey as you have been on and I understand you completely. I am too a creative woman and don’t see distinction like may people do between work and self.
I love that there are other people who have married themselves simply because I believe that the most important commitment is to my self and I am the one that will be around for the rest of my life.
I am really proud to hear that you have already done it. Congratulations!!
to rephrase beyonce: if you like yourself..then you SHOULD put a ring on it :)
way to go jennifer! I’m officially your fan :)
WOW you see … this is what I always wanted to get married to myself , its better then haveing someone to hurt you or not make you happy , none is to be trusted anymore , and this is what I tell my friends and they dont believe me , I am going to marrie myelf too , because I dont trust any men and I am straight and got divorced twice and no one has made me happy , so I am happy with myself , so I will plan my wedding too , Congratulations to you I knew I was not crazy , Be to me too …. Good luck
this is so damn retarded.
you can marry yourself, the eifell tower, the berlin wall or a big rock if you want to these days.
the level of stupidity is just mind blowing.
Narcissism is a natural creative process that one endures, so as to find themselves. Too much can leave one limited of collaboration with other beings. Not enough can leave one longing for more and more attention to themselves (so they buy the shoes or the suit or in some cases they buy relationships and love?) Obviously Jennifer is hardly limited in collaborating with others. Did you get that? :)
marrying yourself is allowed? whats next, marrying each other? come on people, the institution of marriage is a crock, it doesn’t mean anything, the government should have no say in your relationship status and love life.
I love what you did jennifere
This is a big lesson for women who live with abuse and brain washed by thinking that they can not servive with out a man
there is life with out a man
But I wish you to have the best husband
Jennifer, what u have done is so, so unique! do you know of any one who has never done it before? We call it a ‘news value’,in media!
So, is there any possibility that u can divorce yourself?
Jenny….you are a woman of your own………!
Jennifer, what u have done is so, so unique! do you know of any one who has ever done it before? We call it a ‘news value’,in media!
So, is there any possibility that u can divorce yourself?
Jenny….you are a woman of your own………!